Sunday, 16 February 2014

Step away from the fridge

The fridge and I are best friends, every night after I put the girls to bed.  It calls me over and keeps me company, whilst tempting me with a vast number of goodies.  This relationship while it is fun at the time, always leaves me feeling sick and frustrated and unhappy with myself.  Yet night after night, I find myself succumbing to it's call and the cycle continues.

Now if I was in a relationship with a partner and I was constantly made to feel unhappy and sad, everybody would be telling me to open my eyes and walk away from him.  Stop going back, it always ends in tears, not his but yours.  Simple right, walk away. 

Not quite, its a habit that has been formed out of boredom and emotional eating.  Needing something to keep me company once the girls have gone to bed.  Food is that comfort, food has been that comfort.  Emotional eating is the devil reincarnated in the form of your favourite chocolate bar or a nice big bowl of creamy icecream (nobody ever has a small bowl).  That nagging voice in your head quietening that small voice of willpower, pushing that voice into the corner where noone pays any attention to it and control is lost. 

This morning I told the fridge it was over, no more.  It was hard and I did have a few moments today but I'm getting there.  One day at a time.  Every time I walk past the door and keep going is a victory.  Every time I make that choice and acknowledge that it is not hunger and ignore that nagging, is a victory.   

No amount of exercise is going to keep this under control.  I need to regain control of me and my head.  If I can't find that control, then all that progress I made two years ago was for naught and I'll find myself right back at that, sad depressing, over weight position again.  I don't want to be that person again.  I liked the person I was becoming, I was happy and confident.  I just need to find that person again. 

Today marks day 1 of regaining my willpower and self control.  Today is the first step forward in regaining that happiness and confidence.  I know I can do it.  I have done it before.  I can do it again.  I will do it again. 

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